Reader's letters

Anything embarrassing happened to you lately? Why not drop us a line and give us all a laugh at the FRAZZLE office? We pay £50 worth of pork sausages for every letter published.

Open wide
On the day of my cervical smear test I got myself worked up to a right old state. By the time I got to the vet's surgery I was so nervous I feinted. When I eventually came round I was amazed to find that a Union Jack flag had been drawn across my upper chest area. Oh how I laughed when I realised that I had wondered into my local tattooist by mistake. Talk about embarrassing.
Julie, Sidcup.

All eyes on me
On a recent visit to the market I suddenly realised that everybody was looking at me. It gave my ego a real boost and I began to trot along with extra confidence. It was only when I got home that I realised that I wasn't properly tucked in at the back. Oh I felt such a wally.
Wally, Hereford.

Eaves dropping
Last week I spent five entire nights with my ear against my neighbour's bedroom wall hopeful of catching them at it. I felt so angry and deceived when my wife told me that they were in Spain on holiday. A box of Kleenex is an expensive luxury in our house.
Randy, Wiltshire.

110% pig
“Putting on two tonne in one day isn't easy even if you are a pig”, says 5 year old Percy, who once weighed a mere 22 stone. He thought looking underweight didn't suit his image as a big fat pig so he decided to swallow a tractor. "When Percy decides to do something he will give it 110%" says embarrassed farmer Massey Ferguson.
Percy, Somerset.