Health tips

After all the farmyard health scares of recent years, there's some excellent news for pigs at last. Government figures show that starving yourself is an extremely unhealthy thing to do. Follow these basic tips for healthy living and you will soon be enjoying more fun and more sex. Remember a happy pig is a fat pig.

Grinder
Always wear safety googles and steal toe-cap boots when helping the farmer with his grinding.

Get your hose out
Always keep your engine nicely watered. Regularly check your water level otherwise you will probably end up blowing a gasket. Add a little antifreeze during the winter months.

Eat more fat
Fatty acids provide the body with essential oil. Oil is extremely important to the correct functioning of your body. Without it, your body will soon seize up.

Have you flossed?
It maybe Clint Eastwood's favourite chat-up line, but, recent studies make a direct connection between good health and teeth flossing.

Knackered knackers
Always use axle stands when working under a farm vehicle.

All bunged up?
Constipation encourages bloating. As an added bonus it also encourages toxicity in the body leading to spots and pimples. Lovely stuff.

Avoid excessive praying
A recent government study concludes that pigs who spend too much time praying to a big fat all-seeing pig who lives in the sky are more likely to experience serious depression

Alternatively
Sit back, relax and enjoy the following QuickTime movie. It may not improve your health, but the advice is very good. Click here to enjoy.