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Wonderbra?
Next month sees the long awaited release of a specially developed Wonderbra for pigs. Featuring up to 14 cups, they are available in G to M cup sizes and come in purple, black and of course pink. Great news for bad backs.

Speed wobble
A safety study reports that all fat pigs should steer well clear of Japanese sunbeds. These machines are extremely dangerous and have a tendency to exhibit speed wobble during high speed cornering. You have been warned.

The Full Montyway
The latest sex craze to sweep the nation appears to be roadside stripping. Apparently you and your partner pick a theme, maybe a ballet dancer or a cowboy, and drive out to a busy motorway. You then take off your costume, piece by piece, whilst standing on the hard shoulder! The remainder of the day is then spent at the nearest Police station.

Surgical support
Despite sceptics who claimed that the fitness trend would last for centuries a recent report shows that one in three health club members are refusing to renew their memberships because they can no longer walk in a straight line without the aid of a surgical support.

Breast stroke?
A recent top secret government study reports that swimming is an excellent way of keeping fit and toning your body. Therefore Frazzle encourages all readers to avoid this activity.

Cliff Richard
Fantastic news for custard lovers. Yellow Sauce have added a great new product to their custard range. Super High Fat Custard, which comes in a microwaveable tub, has 500 calories per spoonerism. That's a magnificent 400 calories more than a standard tub. Sheter Pilton.