What to eat

If you're looking to pile on the pounds quickly, then we recommend that you pig-out on a combination of the following:

• Roast pork

• Whipped cream

• Ham

• Cream cakes

• Bacon

• White bread (buttered on both sides)

• Spam

• Sugar

• Sausage

• Helium bloat

• Luncheon meat

• Chips

• Lard

• Chocolate

• Bratwurst

• KY jelly and ice cream

• Schnitzel

• Bacon crisps


WHAT NOT TO EAT